Pulp content and camp delivery: pure chaff (1/5)
From December 19, 2010
Anthony Piers is a prolific author with titles ranging all the way from A to Z. My interest in his surmountable material was minimal as I'm not impressed with a 35-book series about Xanth nor am I really taken to interest with an author who pens spoof novels with a title like The Magic Fart. Not knowing where to start, I thought one of his story story collections (the other being Anthonology) would give me a healthy indicator as to his writing style. If this tame foray into the world of Piers Anthony was a mistake. I've never read just a mediocre collection of stories, half of which rate at 1-2 stars. I admittedly own Macroscope because it was recommended to me by a reliable sci-fi friend. Let's hope I don't chuck that novel across the room like I did with this collection!
Note: all stories are a "shortstory" or "shortfiction" unless otherwise noted.
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Alien Plot (1992, novelette) - 2/5 - A scientist/soldier, Duff, of future earth is sent to
a parallel universe where magic has manifested itself in the way of
conjuring spells, talking statues and a dragon who can look into your
heart. Will Duff be sucked into the fantasy world like the prior
researchers or will he be able to separate his true self from the
fantasy self? 42 pages
Nonent (1992) - 3/5 - A dastardly-minded alien
composes a short story to earth's editors to make them numb skulled in
order that the populous be starved of the printed medium, but you know
how editors are. 5 pages
Twenty Years (1992) - 3/5 - A man defeats a
stylized dragon and wins a prize from the stylized nymph; a twenty-year
reduction in his age through the deletion of any period of his life,
thereby subverting the mandatory euthanasia at eighty years of age. 8
pages
December Dates (1985) - 3/5 - A man in his December-years allows
himself the occasional splurge of reverting to his youthful May-years.
His correspondence with another elderly lady has him interested in
seeing her in her true form. 9 pages
Ship of Mustard (1992) - 3/5 - The
space station is full of oversexed females around the planet Athena and
the luring of a young technician is within one of their grasps if they
could just figure out the crossword clue for a mustard plant. 9 pages
Soft
Like a Woman (1988, novelette) - 2/5 - Along with a totally implausible story line
scattered with inconsistencies, the sole woman on an eight-man mission
and she's being discriminated and harassed. When the party lands, she
finds she must deal with a predatory spy and complete the mission alone.
32 pages
Imp to Nymph (1987) - 3/5 - A magical police man goes to a
magical castle incognito in order to purchase a nymph, as a ruse, and
investigate what happened to a man who never came back from the castle.
25 pages
E van S (1992) - 1/5 - A literally cursed TV set strews endless
absurdity and terrible puns, which is Anthony's excuse for a sense of
humor. Just unbearably terrible. 14 pages
Vignettes (1982) - 3/5 - Three
short, short stories each comprised of a mere fifty words: To the Death
(battle to the death with a recluse - 4/5), Transmogrification
(brownies invade and loot a house - 3/5) and Deadline (2/5 - something
about buying a fantasy novel, dunno). 2 pages
Hearts (1970) - 3/5 - On
the eve of Christmas, a man walks down the road and selflessly incurs
the negative emotions and pains of others. But the spirit and origin of
Christmas will see his accumulated pain dissolved. 4 pages
Revise
and Invent (1992) - 3/5 - Anthony's exposé of his very short stories in a form
which also includes the letters from the editors who rejected each
correspondence and each altered story...all an idea which has been
printed before (Carter Scholz's story "The Nine Billion Names of God" in his collection The Amount to Carry). 17 pages
Baby (1992) - 3/5 - A snippet of a story
intended to be finished by teen-aged competitors: Taking on a rather dull
story of adoption, a reporter soon discovers three separately adopted
babies which share birth dates and characteristics. 3 pages
Cloister
(1991) - 2/5 - Another pun party by Anthony, who pursues the reader ragged and
dares them to skip the ridiculous tale of abbots on the isle of York
who are preparing to be besieged by kings, queens and broncs to steal
their manuscripts to make hats. 7 pages
Love 40 (1992) - 2/5 - Anthony's
excuse for science fiction is this tale of insensitive cultural
approach and a doodad device which adjustably alters peoples' emotional
state and is installed in a tennis ball-thrower by a mechanic. Two
people `fall in love,' both of whom have come to investigate the
phenomenon at the resort and who both will investigate the creator so
that a Japanese company can reproduce it. 12 pages
Kylo (1988) - 2/5 - A
man discovers his neighbor is care-taking for a dinosaur while its owner is preoccupied. He takes it for a walk and discovers everyone else
knows of its existence. Anthony says he has done research for this
sorry but it reads like common knowledge to a 12-year old. 6 pages
Plague
of Allos (1986, novelette) - 1/5 - Elves, wolves, telepathy, dinosaurs... fantasy for
people who like fantasy, I guess. I'm not one of those people. 26 pages
Think
of the Reader (1989, essay) - 1/5 - Anthony's ideas of what the reader wants is
viewed through the rose-tinted glasses of what editors want: an easy
plot to follow, simple language and themes which are tried and true. He
pretty much says, "The readers aren't too bright so give everything to
them on a silver plate."
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Like above, this is evident throughout
the collection as I predicted the ending to nearly every single story.
The level of concentration for the reader is basically set at the 12-14
year level. The science is non-existent for the purported science
fiction stories and the fantasy bits (usually un-stomach-able for me)
became chokingly unbearable at the extent of its' cheesiness along with
the plethora of stupid, stupid, stupid puns. Perhaps this is what
Anthony fans LIKE to read but it's definitely not something a serious science fiction fan would ever indulge in. The entire collection screams
of pulp, pulp, pulp--mostly cringing follow-through, mostly eye-rolling
passages, and conclusions where the reader is left with a mere "humph" as
satisfaction.
And why is Anthony so focused on including women
and sex in the short stories? It's distracting to the content and
delivery. He even mentions a fairly taboo subject of rape three times...
and even makes a rape joke. A rape joke, I tell you! Juvenile-minded
from beginning to end for a juvenile audience who have the intention of
producing pulp fiction on their own. Sorry Anthony has such a chip on
his shoulder about editors, but the stuff this guy produces leads me to
wonder how any of his stories have passed a single editor. If this is
the wheat of Anthony's chaff, I'd hate to see the latter.
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